magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

Occasionally, by which I mean often, I say things here that I haven't really thought through. This is in marked contrast to my normal modes of communication, where I tend to think extensively, if not excessively, about the words that come out of my mouth. Conversations with me, in person or on the phone or even via email, tend to involve protracted periods of silence as I search for the right words, the right order of words, the right inflection, the right intonation. As I run through permutation after permutation with the smallest variations on what I might say next. At its worst, speaking with me can be an exhausting process. Although people have also told me that talking with me has helped them to develop a conversational patience, to slow down and think more about their own words. Or said that while I don't say much, they are generally impressed with what I do say.

Certainly, I do sometimes spend the same amount of care in crafting what I say here. But it seems that just as often, especially if I've let a few days pass and I want to catch up to the present but say something about the interim, I find myself erring to the opposite extreme, just letting the thoughts on the tip of my tongue tumble out relatively unfettered and unfiltered, and saying things that paint a part of my portrait that I might find a little embarrassing in its inaccuracies. Or perhaps worse, in its accuracies.