magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

you probably already know, or have at least guessed by now, that i have a propensity for complaining. i used to tell new people that i met that i complain a lot, and if they catch me doing it to tell me to shut up. with love of course, not a: "shut up you sniveling wretch, no one cares anyway." but a: "hey bean: yr too caught up in all that. why don't you think about sunsets for a while?"

yesterday i was sick and angsty and felt like bitching. that was a prime target for a loving "shut the fuck up dear." sometimes sympathy is is called for, after my terrible final crit last semester for instance. but sometimes i'm just bitching for it's own sake. or at the very least i'm blowing things out of proportion.

today i'm still sick. even worse. i've been waffling over whether i'm really going to have the energy to take two classes over wintersession. the real question is though, how much of that is because i'm sick now. and even if i were to drop a class, would i spend my time doing something else productive? writing maybe?

of course i have this terrible fear of disappointing people. you remember how long i held on to the idea of see even after it was clear that i wasn't going to be involved. and i feel like by dropping my computer class, for example, i'd be disappointing sung ho, the professor, or molly, who convinced me to take it.

i didn't even bring up the possibility when i spoke to him today. it just faded from my mind. i s'posed i could always withdraw at a later date.