Untitled.
29 July 1998
![[ ]](http://mbpix.mushroom.net/19980729y.png)
clouds are so fucking cool. and lightning. and little glowing bugs.
this afternoon, after spending the morning and early afternoon trekking through the caves, there was a huge dessert thunderstorm. and then when it slowed down, we went to see the nightly flight of the bats out of the cave. as usual people are stupid and made lots of noise and left early and used flash photography even though they were told repeatedly that it fucks with the bats' sonar. but after that we stuck around with a few other stragglers, watching the last bats fly out of the caves as it got dark. and then on the way back to the parking lot i decided to take one of the nature trails, even though it was getting darker and i had no idea where it went. but from the top of the hill it lead us to, we could see the storm moving slowly into the distance with big huge lightning strikes. and there was a little glow-worm.
back in the parking lot, we sat on top of the van and watched the lightning and saw some shooting stars, including the second coolest shooting star i've ever seen, a full-fledged meteor, it burned in the atmosphere for at least two full seconds. and there were skunks and bunnies and other creatures.
before i left for this "vacation", we had a meeting at li, to discuss the future and whether or not people still wanted to be a part of the company. i said, yeah, i'm willing to stick it out for at least another year, i've put up with it for this long. last wednesday, the last time i actually saw daniel, he gave me a list of stuff to try to do thursday. he said it would be nice if you could get this done, but if you don't tell me so i can try to get someone else to do it. he'll deny that he ever said that. on thursday, when he was out of the office all day, i did some work, but i had to get the registration switched on the van, and do a million other things. granted i left some stuff hanging that i shouldn't have. i'm a big fucking loser. i know this. you know this, i'm sure. i take the blame for that. daniel went off about how this was "my company too" and how "incomplete work=incomplete pay". well, it's not really my company. when i started working for li, i was promised a piece of the business. i never saw it. now we're talking about finally going that route, but it hasn't happened. and as far as incomplete work, sure, my last week was. so pay me half. don't pay me at all. but li was already two weeks behind in paying me. incomplete pay=unmotived employee=incomplete work.
and then monday, on the way out of austin, i get a page "Give a call to LI when you get a chance..." i figure i'm heading into the desert, i'll get a chance when i get to carlsbad this evening. so i did. no one there. i leave a message. i was able to log in and get my email, and there was a message from daniel, it may have been within an hour of sending the page, something like "where are you? why haven't you called? if i haven't heard from you by the end of the day i'll assume you've quit, or are dead." i eventually found out that snet has been billing some of our customers long distance rates to use the new state-wide local number. daniel wants me to send a mass-mailing, but wants to talk to me first.
this morning, i call again. no answer. i leave a message. a little later i called and talked to marc and reggie, who didn't seem too upset about the whole thing, but daniel was nowhere to be found. i said i'd call back tonight. i tried to get online first, and checked my email, to find daniel going off again. about how i never told him i'd probably be off-line until friday. i quoted the email where i said exactly that. about how it was bs that i didn't call as soon as i got his "call when you get a chance" page. so after getting disconnected three times while trying to send a response to him, i finally am able to do so, and then call li, no answer again, and the fucking machine hangs up on me twice.
i'd like to see li survive. honestly i would. i'd like to help. i'd like to own a part of the company even. but this is almost too much. daniel had known that i was going to be gone for two weeks for at least two months before i left. i figured that i was going to need a beeper so that if there was any real system emergencies when i was gone that i would be able to call in and walk them through fixing them. i bought a beeper with my money (although daniel has now offered to pay for it, probably thinking that the reason i'm not working from the road is that i'm all upset about buying it myself and that i'm not working out of spite or something). i figured that it might be even easier to fix stuff from the road if i had a laptop, although i had no idea where i was going to get a phone line to plug it into. so i bought that with my money too. the last time i saw daniel, wednesday, he said, what are you expecting to get paid while yr gone? and jokingly, i said i'm expecting a full paid vacation. i told him i was going to be on call, but certainly not working full time, so no, i wasn't expecting my regular check. in fact, i wasn't expecting anything at all despite planning on being on call, and buying the tools to do so with my own money. i was going to do it for free. but now it seems as if he's expecting me to be putting in a couple hours of work a day. i'm sorry, but, um, no.
i need this vacation. before leaving, i had worked every day for almost two months, except for three days in the last two weeks. most of those days were ten hours or so. many longer. when i get back, i'm planning on working my ass off for a month before i leave for texas. and i'm planning on working as hard, or harder, from there. i'm giving up the chance to go on a family vacation to disney world. disney world. and to spend time with my brother, so that i can make up for the two weeks that i'm missing right now. fuck.
i really don't need all this aggravation. and daniel will be thinking, what about all the aggravation that yr causing me? some of it is my fault. i'm sorry. there were projects i should've worked harder on before i left. but most of it is that he just doesn't listen when i tell him for two months that i'm going away for the last week in july and the first in august and that i'll be driving cross-country, and sleeping in my car or camping out for the most part, but that i'll be on call in case of an emergency. everything's a fucking emergency to daniel. and at the moment it's all my fault. yeah right.
good night. i don't want to talk about this anymore.
this afternoon, after spending the morning and early afternoon trekking through the caves, there was a huge dessert thunderstorm. and then when it slowed down, we went to see the nightly flight of the bats out of the cave. as usual people are stupid and made lots of noise and left early and used flash photography even though they were told repeatedly that it fucks with the bats' sonar. but after that we stuck around with a few other stragglers, watching the last bats fly out of the caves as it got dark. and then on the way back to the parking lot i decided to take one of the nature trails, even though it was getting darker and i had no idea where it went. but from the top of the hill it lead us to, we could see the storm moving slowly into the distance with big huge lightning strikes. and there was a little glow-worm.
back in the parking lot, we sat on top of the van and watched the lightning and saw some shooting stars, including the second coolest shooting star i've ever seen, a full-fledged meteor, it burned in the atmosphere for at least two full seconds. and there were skunks and bunnies and other creatures.
before i left for this "vacation", we had a meeting at li, to discuss the future and whether or not people still wanted to be a part of the company. i said, yeah, i'm willing to stick it out for at least another year, i've put up with it for this long. last wednesday, the last time i actually saw daniel, he gave me a list of stuff to try to do thursday. he said it would be nice if you could get this done, but if you don't tell me so i can try to get someone else to do it. he'll deny that he ever said that. on thursday, when he was out of the office all day, i did some work, but i had to get the registration switched on the van, and do a million other things. granted i left some stuff hanging that i shouldn't have. i'm a big fucking loser. i know this. you know this, i'm sure. i take the blame for that. daniel went off about how this was "my company too" and how "incomplete work=incomplete pay". well, it's not really my company. when i started working for li, i was promised a piece of the business. i never saw it. now we're talking about finally going that route, but it hasn't happened. and as far as incomplete work, sure, my last week was. so pay me half. don't pay me at all. but li was already two weeks behind in paying me. incomplete pay=unmotived employee=incomplete work.
and then monday, on the way out of austin, i get a page "Give a call to LI when you get a chance..." i figure i'm heading into the desert, i'll get a chance when i get to carlsbad this evening. so i did. no one there. i leave a message. i was able to log in and get my email, and there was a message from daniel, it may have been within an hour of sending the page, something like "where are you? why haven't you called? if i haven't heard from you by the end of the day i'll assume you've quit, or are dead." i eventually found out that snet has been billing some of our customers long distance rates to use the new state-wide local number. daniel wants me to send a mass-mailing, but wants to talk to me first.
this morning, i call again. no answer. i leave a message. a little later i called and talked to marc and reggie, who didn't seem too upset about the whole thing, but daniel was nowhere to be found. i said i'd call back tonight. i tried to get online first, and checked my email, to find daniel going off again. about how i never told him i'd probably be off-line until friday. i quoted the email where i said exactly that. about how it was bs that i didn't call as soon as i got his "call when you get a chance" page. so after getting disconnected three times while trying to send a response to him, i finally am able to do so, and then call li, no answer again, and the fucking machine hangs up on me twice.
i'd like to see li survive. honestly i would. i'd like to help. i'd like to own a part of the company even. but this is almost too much. daniel had known that i was going to be gone for two weeks for at least two months before i left. i figured that i was going to need a beeper so that if there was any real system emergencies when i was gone that i would be able to call in and walk them through fixing them. i bought a beeper with my money (although daniel has now offered to pay for it, probably thinking that the reason i'm not working from the road is that i'm all upset about buying it myself and that i'm not working out of spite or something). i figured that it might be even easier to fix stuff from the road if i had a laptop, although i had no idea where i was going to get a phone line to plug it into. so i bought that with my money too. the last time i saw daniel, wednesday, he said, what are you expecting to get paid while yr gone? and jokingly, i said i'm expecting a full paid vacation. i told him i was going to be on call, but certainly not working full time, so no, i wasn't expecting my regular check. in fact, i wasn't expecting anything at all despite planning on being on call, and buying the tools to do so with my own money. i was going to do it for free. but now it seems as if he's expecting me to be putting in a couple hours of work a day. i'm sorry, but, um, no.
i need this vacation. before leaving, i had worked every day for almost two months, except for three days in the last two weeks. most of those days were ten hours or so. many longer. when i get back, i'm planning on working my ass off for a month before i leave for texas. and i'm planning on working as hard, or harder, from there. i'm giving up the chance to go on a family vacation to disney world. disney world. and to spend time with my brother, so that i can make up for the two weeks that i'm missing right now. fuck.
i really don't need all this aggravation. and daniel will be thinking, what about all the aggravation that yr causing me? some of it is my fault. i'm sorry. there were projects i should've worked harder on before i left. but most of it is that he just doesn't listen when i tell him for two months that i'm going away for the last week in july and the first in august and that i'll be driving cross-country, and sleeping in my car or camping out for the most part, but that i'll be on call in case of an emergency. everything's a fucking emergency to daniel. and at the moment it's all my fault. yeah right.
good night. i don't want to talk about this anymore.