magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

so. the day i had been dreading. disillusionment all around. but really i'm doing pretty okay.

i'm not going to be able to approach design studio from an experimental, poetry as conceptual architecture sort of angle. at least for the first project. we are re-constructing a cabin (or shack basically) that le corbusier designed and built on the mediterranean. a week for analyzing and creating detailed plans from the sketches and photos we have to work with. a week to actually build it. each studio section has a part to work on, and we have to coordinate within smaller groups in our section, then with our section, then with the rest of the studio. should be interesting anyway. we have the doors and some bits of wall.

they also brought in a whole bunch of new talent to teach the second semester studio. there had been lots of discussion about who would be teaching, with the likely choices generally considered to be among the full-time faculty. but it turned out that only two of the six teachers were on the expected list. the other four are new. my teacher seems cool enough. andrew from australia.

saw jen and matthew at lunch. guess there's no more pretending that they're not a couple. bummer.

waved at susie at dinner. i'm not sure if i really have a crush on her or not. or even if i'm at all attracted. the two are not necessarily connected for me. we'll see.

decided last minute to take chick fink's opera class. it means i'll be taking 18 credits, but it's just three hours a week watching operas, and a term paper (or maybe something more creative) at the end. tonight we watched the first half of mozart's cosi fan tutte, a comic opera about two pairs of lovers, a maid, a cynical old bachelor, and a wager about the (un)faithfulness of women. and of course the theme provoked some of my less virtuous sorts of thoughts.

but, only in the most hypothetical of ways. i don't have the interpersonal sorts of skills necessary to seduce her. and if she came on to me... the scene as i see it is: she's likely a little drunk, she kisses me, and i say something to the effect of "as much as i really want to, and i'll probably regret this, i can't." i'm just too damn nice. i'd prolly regret it more if i did anyway.

and i feel bad about even having these sorts of thoughts to begin with. but i have a feeling that everyone thinks things like this from time to time. even if they would never admit to it.