magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

incredibly narrative dreams that i've completely forgotten.

went out to a concert this afternoon. iditarod, who i thought were really good. no amps, no microphones, just guitar, violin, cello, vocals, and occasional exotic instruments, like a singing prayer bowl. very sweet and ethereal, although chris.k thought they crossed the line towards "almost not there". then the 'mericans, a purple ivy shadows side project, including my friend chris.d who i had a chance to briefly catch up with after the show, although for some reason (probably part of the whole introvert thing) i find it hard to cross the audience/performer boundary, even with people i know outside of their performer role. and then anomoanon, will oldham's brother ned's band. who i didn't really get into. but apparently they have an album out of robert louis stevenson poems set to music that is much more quiet and acoustic that sounds like it could be very good.

the show got me thinking, and actually i've been thinking about this quite a bit as the new semester approaches, that if i'm really to embrace architecture in a way that i really felt read to do in the midst of last semester, that has to come with an acknowledgement that i'm never going to be the musician that i'd like to be, the comic book creator that i'd like to be, the novelist, actor, etc, etc. i can dabble in all those things. and get better at them. but i can't be an architect and a rock star and a celebrated novelist and and and. i don't have the drive, even if it were possible. just a vague desire.

last semester, when i realized how much i was was enjoying architecture, i was ready to let go of everything else and pursue that one thing. now a couple months have passed and all those other desires have crept back in. and i guess i'm afraid that i might not even be able to pursue any one thing as diligently as any of these things deserves.

---

we had to walk to the supermarket tonight, garth's home, or maybe in canada. kate.h, sarah.p, and cybèle tagged along.