magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

in some ways things have re-approached the feeling they had at the beginning of all this (referring my time in rome, this time). stef and i are talking regularly, probably even more than we were then. lindsey and i have, in a way, returned to the stage even pre innocent crush, not really interacting much at all. which, as sarah.b says, is sad, but it's starting to feel a little bit more comfortable than all the drama we have been going through.

which is all to say that things are pretty much okay. but i'm vaguely aware of a strong current of not-okayness running beneath all of this. it's unsettling in that small, nagging way that the feeling of being watched can be unsettling.

on my phone:

Sometimes i forget how magical and dreamy you can make me feel. Happy Spring too. Yr girl-s

early last summer i worried about how things didn't feel magical. and now, with things looking very much like we're getting back into all of this, i worry that maybe i won't feel that sense of magic.

but, as always, a lot of that rests with me. i can't really expect my love life to be a faerie tale if the cynical side of me won't let me live the rest of my life believing in faerie tales.