magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

and i could say all the same things to her that she said to me about lindsey. i did call her last night and say some mean things to her voicemail. that she's an awful person. that i hope he breaks her heart. i told her that i hope some day she actually grows up.

the real catch here is that admitting i'm better off, that she is an awful person, is admitting that i made an incredibly big mistake in falling in love with her in the first place. that i really did waste all this effort this year on something that so wasn't worth it. if she's the most significant relationship i've ever had, and she's so bad, what does that say about me? on the other hand, if i admit that things were good. that she was worth my time and effort and love, then it's hard to let go. then why would i want to give that up?