magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

yesterday i was feeling okay. some days are going to be harder.

while sorting through some papers in my room i came across two emails from stef that i had printed out. from february fifth: 'I want to be yours and just yours ... I don't want you to leave me ever again.' and february nineteenth: 'I don't know where to go with this except to say Im here and Im not going anywhere ever. ... I love you, yr girl always, stef'.

i also came across twenty-five euros that i got as a thank you from the office for fixing a problem with the spreadsheet that they used for the budget. i hadn't spent it. at the time that i got it i was thinking about using it to buy a birthday present for stef.

i know that i have to let go of these things. i'm trying. it's just so hard sometimes.