magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i dreamt of someone else this morning. of the possibility of dating someone else. it's really the first glimpse that i've had beyond stef. and it didn't last for too long after waking up, but i guess it's something.

on the way out of new york, in stop and go traffic on 87, my car began stalling again. stall, start, stall, start. until it stalled and wouldn't start. in the center lane. the car behind my pulled off to my left, then stopped and asked what was wrong. 'it's stalled out. overheating i think. i just want to get it started so i can pull off the road.' they stuck around, holding up two lanes of traffic until i did get it started again. of course i needed to get off the road to the right, and the cars on that side were being typical new york drivers, not letting me in. eventually i managed to get my nose into the lane, and sputtered across it into the breakdown lane.

opened the hood. didn't seem to be lacking coolant, but the power cord into the radiator fan was loose. another car pulled off in front of me, also overheating. of all the people who passed me, one car did slow down and ask if i needed a jumpstart. 'thanks,' i said, 'but i'm just waiting for it to cool off and see if i can start it again.'

and twenty minutes later i did manage to get it started and made it out of the stop and go traffic. after which the ride home was fine.

at home though, i began feeling queasy again, as i did for the first half of the last month. and also a bit as if everything were slightly unreal.

distracted myself in the printed word.