magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

bean is not actually from antarctica. his heart is covered in paisleys.

he makes tiny little pictures and sometimes writes about his life.

Untitled.

14 September 2002

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as i was getting ready for bed last night i smelled the bar, not too strong, but the slightly pungent odor of beer and cigarettes, on my clothes and it reminded me of stef. that's a stupid thing to remind you of someone. but it's what her clothes would smell like when she got off of work, when she would come over to my place, late, and try to be quiet even though the door had woken me up, and change out of her clothes, dropping them to the side of the bed.

today is sonali's birthday. she's twenty-four. she's older than nearly all of my risd friends. which has an odd feeling to it, as she's the youngest, by far, of my nmh friends. age is a weird thing.

there was a party at the mill tonight. a going away party for chris and, as it turns out, a birthday party for eleanor, who was in rome. i went over early to hang out and ended up going out for lunch with chris and kate.h (who was visiting for the weekend). while out i bought a pack of cigarettes. i know there's any number of people ready to jump down my throat over that, if for no other reason than for the fact that i have made such a big deal about other people's smoking habits. which is in part why i did it. i've always been able to say that even if i've smoked a cigarette here or there i've never bought a pack. it's kept me on the moral high ground. and made me a bit self-righteous. the other night when shopping with chris and greer, she stopped to look at cheeses and i said 'eww'. her reaction, although not really offended, was that i was making a moral judgment, publicly, which was basically an insult to her character. i said 'it's an aesthetic judgment. i don't like cheese.' but she was right. i do it about veganism, i do it about smoking, and it can rub people the wrong way. that's in part why i did it.

there were lots of recent risd alumni at the party. also lots of ehp kids. and plenty of people that i didn't know at all. i was half expecting stef to show up, but she didn't. there was one girl who caught my eye, but i think it was primarily her glasses.