magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i noticed earlier tonight that i've been biting my nails today. they had grown in a bit. i guess i hadn't been biting them much recently up until now. the other night i dreamt that i was taking three additional classes on tuesdays and thursdays. the semester is two-thirds over and i realized that i hadn't been going to any of these classes. not that i was intentionally blowing them off, i was just forgetting, week after week. i needed the credit from two of them to graduate, and there was no way that i was going to pass them.

before almost every architecture crit, particularly mid-project crits, i feel as if i am lagging way behind everyone else. i work slowly (read: work slowly and procrastinate) and feel as if i have nothing to show for the work that i have done. generally, once things are up on the walls and the crit is underway it becomes clear that i'm not in a terribly different place than everyone else. i think that this time is going to be different though. for one, there are only five people in my studio section, which is much less of a pack to position yourself in. if two or three of them are significantly further advanced in their projects (and they are) you're already at the bottom (and i am). secondly, when i look at the work that i have done, it seems as if i'm just now figuring things out that i should have had figured out within a week of the last crit (it's been three). thirdly, my work is still all on little cluttered, curling sheets of yellow trace. we're supposed to have mock ups of our final presentation drawings.

i have another day. something of a mixed blessing. the other eight degree project sections have crits tomorrow. so i have another handful of hours (i have work to do tomorrow for my other two classes as well) to come up with something. but that's also another day to feel the stress leading up to this crit. another potentially late night in studio. sometimes it's easier to just have things over and done with. even if they go badly. it's not the final crit. i'll have roughly the same amount of work to accomplish in the remaining three weeks (two and a half until final drawings are due) either way.