magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

if you're adverse to cheesy sentimentalism you might want to skip over this next bit. of course, being the romantic that i am, a lot of what i'm going to say in any context is bound to be somewhat cheesy and sentimental. but this is pretty bad. i'm going to be quoting brit-pop song lyrics.

i woke up this morning feeling the sensation of walking through our front door in austin and into our living room. this was followed fairly closely with finding that i had a song running through my head, coldplay's 'warning sign':

A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in
I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
When you were an island to discover

Come on in
I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

And I'm tired
I should not have let you go

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms

last summer stef put this cd on in the kitchen one night when we were making dinner. 'listen to the lyrics,' she said. 'it's us.' i think she may have said, 'i'm lucky your arms were still open.'

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drove daniel and jeanette around for a few hours this afternoon as they tried to get all the paperwork together to register their new (to them) car. i always bring my phone with me whenever i leave their house, even though i hardly ever go anywhere that i would have service. i would have had service in winsted, but forgot my phone for the first time. 'no big deal,' i thought, 'i'm not really expecting any calls.'

there was actually a message on my voicemail when we got back. it was stef, from last night. it's hard to really read a lot from a short voicemail. she said she needed to get in touch about some logistical things. there was a hint of pain in her voice, but she didn't seem on the verge of asking me to come home.

i tried to ring her back this afternoon, after a chat with annette to try and settle my nerves a little, but just got her voicemail and may have left a mess of a message, pressing the wrong buttons and all that.

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among the people who i tried to get in touch with last week in the immediate aftermath of all of this were a few whose email addresses no longer seem to work. one of those was lindsey. tonight i found myself reading some two year old entries on magicbeans, during the first really rough spot in my relationship with stef, when lindsey and i flirted with, well, with flirting. we had both promised to try to stay friends, whatever happened, but things didn't really work out that way. i've felt bad about that. while i was reading, and thinking about her, her screen name popped up in aim, i got a 'hey' out before she logged off, but i guess she didn't see it.