magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

one of the last pieces i did in my 'from the first 100 pages of the gateless barrier' series was number 5, 'indulgence in sentimental illusions.' that was almost two years ago. but it describes today pretty well too.

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empty, empty, empty.

i spent a lot of extra brain cycles today thinking about her. thinking that this is just like the last time. that she can skate on, blissfully not thinking about it for a while, but eventually i'll bubble back up into her conscious in the way that she has never really left mine.

yes, unhealthy. yes, sentimental. yes, i've got to move on. but you know what? some days you've just got to say fuck it, i want her in my head right now, even if it hurts. i love her, and i miss her, and i'm nowhere near ready to let go of the thought of our lives intertwined.