magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

so today was the day of my 'super secret fun project', also known as my queer eye for the straight guy interview. i woke up (warm, my plastic ceiling and chris's electric radiator worked well), showered, got dressed, bought a cup of coffee at the health food store around the corner and got on the subway. dropped the disposable camera off at the photo counter of the union square cvs and sought refuge from the cold in barnes and noble.

i found two books of michelangelo's poetry translated into english and leafed through them for that poem. one translation was awful. the other was okay, but still not as good as the one in the book in the ehp library.

i browsed the fiction section while waiting for my photos. i wasn't planning on buying anything, i would much rather support independent bookstores, but i am so seduced by literature. i read the first chapter of robert musil's the man without qualities and found myself hooked. it seems to be in the vein of pynchon and norfolk. on the cover he is compared to joyce and proust. i bought volume one.

also, while wandering though isles of words on paper, i thought to myself, 'i should really start writing again.' and yes, i should. i'm supposed to be writing a screenplay for project greenlight. i never should have stopped writing poetry. and how in the hell did i let national novel writing month slip by with only a few hundred words eked out of my fingertips?

anyway. i picked up my prints. got myself a bagel with tofu-chive 'cream cheese'. and headed to the studios where the queer eye interviews were taking place. the guy waiting in front of my told me 'they'll definitely pick you, looking like that,' and gestured mostly to my silly, sweatshirt, 'elf' hat, but also to my bright orange hoodie.

a twenty-something guy came in with his girlfriend after i did. i think that they were talking about me too. 'you're just jealous,' i overheard her say to him. it definitely tickles my ego to think that even the other applicants that made it to the interview stage seem to think that i have a chance.

after about twenty minutes i was called in for my interview. there was a stack of printouts, the applications of those to be interviewed. all of those that i saw, my own included, had a '4' in the upper right hand corner. mine, however, also had a 'Yes!' written on it. i don't want to make too much of that, but it's worth noting.

christine, the woman who was conducting the interviews (casting director? assistant casting director? production assistant?) asked me about my name, of course. about what it is, exactly, that i do for a living. a little bit about my social consciousness, my feelings for stef versus ability to move on. where i'm living. she said, 'you've obviously got your own look, which seems to suit you, are you really looking for a makeover?'

she told me that when she first saw my photo she thought she was being punk'd. that i was actually sean lennon (who she had gone to school with, although didn't know well). 'do you get that a lot?' i told her that people used to say i looked like john lennon, when i was in high school, with long hair and round glasses. i told her about alex.l's dream. i thought i had written about that dream on my site before, but i can't find it. so without further ado, a digression, and very odd story:

like much of the risd community, alex.l had heard that there was some crazy kid named 'beanbag amerika' in architecture. also like much of the risd community, he had never actually met me, and had no idea who i was. when the ehp acceptance letters were mailed out, and the names started circulating, he had a dream about ehp in which the roll of 'beanbag amerika', central to his dream, was being played by sean lennon. he had never seen me before and had no idea of what i looked like.

and really, i don't get sean lennon much, probably because i'm not half asian. although i think i do look a little more like him than andy dick, which i do get all the time.

and so the interview came to an end. the next step is to send my application to the producers (if it is one that she recommends, i would guess). if they choose me, then they will send a location crew out to my house in preparation for shooting the show, which could happen 'anytime between now and september'.

'you could beat kate to reality tv,' chris told me. she's up for a carpenter spot on one of those home-makeover shows. 'you've both made it to the personal interview stage.'

'of course her position would be as a regular cast member, and mine would be a one-time thing. but once i'm out there i could capitalize on it. i mean, who wouldn't want super-sexy, funky named me for something?'

'you could use it to launch your singing career.'

'yeah, i could beat garth to rock stardom too.'

---

met chris for lunch at veg-city. while i was waiting i drank too many cups of coffee and thought about the three girls who responded to my craigslist ad, two of whom have now given me their phone numbers, putting the ball back in my court. i haven't met any of them, and am already coming up with reasons for discounting all three. wasn't the whole point of this an attempt to find something in which i wouldn't necessarily get too emotionally or sexually involved? i don't know exactly what i was expecting. of course i'm going to get emotionally involved, even if it's just in my head. even if it's just negative emotions like fear. even if it's just going to make me miss stef even more. she's the only person that i really want to cuddle with. still, as christine pointed out during the queer eye interview, 'sometimes it's when you start to move on with your own life that your ex realizes how much they miss you.'

'yeah, that's basically been the general trajectory of our relationship over the past three years.'

after eating, chris and i wandered around in the cold some more. then i took the subway home. dinner, of sorts, with rob and dan. (just for reference, 'dan' is the new roommate. daniel is still 'daniel'.)

and in my email, the third phone number.