magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

Up and to the Staples on 184th straight away this morning. I bought a paper shredder because I happened to walk down that aisle on the way to the stapler aisle. (I've actually been meaning to buy one for a while, it wasn't totally an impulse purchase.) I debated between the 3/8" and 1/2" staples. Picked up the 1/2". Then went looking for an X-Acto knife. Didn't see anything of the sort. Asked a salesguy. 'Do you have an X-Acto knives?'

He looked at me kind of blankly for a moment. 'What you going to cut with it?'

'Just paper.'

'We've got these.' He pointed to the paper cutters, like the one I purchased last night, which where right in front of me, and which I had obviously seen.

'Yes, I know. I've got one of those. I need to cut a sheet of paper that's 18" long. These only cut up to 12".'

'What kind do you have? One of those?' He points at the the 12" one. 'Or one of these?' He points at a smaller, 8" or 10" one. 'Or this one?' A more heavy-duty, but still only 12" cutter.

'That one there, but it really doesn't matter, none of them will cut an 18" sheet of paper. Don't you have just plain old X-Acto knives? Or a utility knife of some sort? A box-cutter maybe?'

'Um. No. We don't have anything like that. We've got these.' He points to the replaceable rubber cutting strip from the paper cutters. The cutting surface no blade involved. He obviously wasn't grasping the point.

'Okay. Fine.' At least the salesguy in the paper shredder aisle was helpful.

Back home, again, I test out the 1/2" staples. Ever so slightly too deep. They'll work, but the 3/8" probably would have been perfect. The moral? Staples are not that expensive, bracket your range of options.

I stapled the interior pages together. Tried to figure out how I was going to trim the cover. 'I guess I'm going to have to go with scissors,' I told George over AIM. 'But should I use my kitchen scissors, which are newish, but have been used on kitchen sorts of stuff? Or my old art school scissors, which have only ever been used on paper products, but may be dulled from cutting cardboard and such?'

'Do you have any scraps to test them on?'

'Yeah, but that would involve walking all the way to the kitchen to get the kitchen scissors. The others are in the bin that I'm using as a seat. Of course I could have been to the kitchen and back twice in the time it took to type this.'

A little later, 'Any conclusion?'

'I think I'm going to have to do another sweep of my apartment for an X-Acto.' And, 'It looks like I'm going with the paring knife, although it appears that I've already broken the tip of it using it for something else non-cooking related.'

'Probably as a screwdriver.'

'Actually, that sounds about right.'

The paring knife worked pretty well. Not the worlds cleanest edge, but at least it was straight. Then came time for the ever-scary double-stick tape. A couple of alignments could have been nicer, but I only had one real mis-stick, and it didn't lead to any permanent damage.

At this point it's not yet even noon. Headed back downtown on the 1 to Columbia to hand it all in in person. 'I've got a couple things to clarify,' I told the girl at the desk. 'My letters of recommendation are coming separately. Should I make a note of that?'

'That's probably a good idea.'

I wrote down the names of the people they were coming from on the envelope. 'Also, I've got a few questions about the scholarship form. I've got last year's 1040s from both my parents, but I don't have any information about their assets.'

'Whatever you have, is good,' she said.

'And neither has claimed me as a dependent in over 10 years. They have no legal requirement to support me, even if they could. Which they can't. And then on the personal assets page, the line for "net pay" is total net pay, not what I could foreseeably contribute to my tuition, correct?'

'That's right.'

'Cause it seems like a lot of money, but in New York it doesn't end up being a lot of money.'

I didn't mention that I had accidentally opened my official RISD transcript, which they wanted sealed, because I didn't notice the blind-embossed school seal and thought it was just a letter asking for money. (Which I'm not sure why I opened anyway, since I don't have any money to donate.) Seems like a minor thing though, it's not like it looks as if I've tampered with my grades or anything.

Then, it being a beautiful day out, and having a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and the afternoon ahead of me, I went for a walk. I took the 1 down to 14th Street, then walked south. First to the Sullivan Street Bakery, which I had been told made authentic Italian-style pizza by the slice, like potate (potato) and funghi (mushroom) with no cheese but drizzled in olive oil and spiced with rosemary and basil and thyme. And then further south, to Battery Park, where I sat in the sun amongst the melting snow and stared out at the water for a while before heading back uptown.