magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i really didn't want to get out of bed this morning, i did the burying my head under the pillow and the whole deal. it's not that there's any real world stuff that's going on that i'm particularly feared to face (no more so than usual anyway), and it's not that my dreams were particularly compelling. i only really remember one. i was in some sort of classroom (auditorium style, all the seats facing front) with about twenty other people including erin. near the end of the class she got up and left the room, and when she came back some guy had sat near her seat and i found myself really worried that she'd walk past and ignore me and go sit with him. completely stupid, high school stuff. (yes, it was only a dream but i have been talking about this sorta stuff the last couple of days and i'm sure that's where it came from. sometimes i feel like i'm still such a fucking teenager. yesterday this really cute girl came into the office to have her laptop configured, and she was a senior in high school, that's like five or six years younger than i am. but i don't feel five or six years older than that. i mean, how much growing up have i really done in the last five years?) but anyways, at the end of class the teacher said something about going to the other side of the campus but it had been raining really hard and parts of the campus were flooded or muddy and it was rather cold, and so i said or thought (i'm not sure), that you'd need a wet suit to get there. and then about half the class did have wet suits and there was this big, deep, really cold river in the middle of the campus, and i was sitting on the side of it, and erin (who was wearing a wet suit) was going to swim across, but she sat down next to me and we talked for a while and compared the situation to these explorers who founded georgia or something and the legend went that they floated down out of the sky and someone had written this series of books about them.

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so erin and i are trying to make plans to spend some time together before i go off to texas, and what i'd like to say is that i'd be happy to see her every weekend between now and then, but it feels like there's something wrong with saying that.

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went and saw your friends and neighbors, completely depressed me. but, in so doing was worth my seven bucks. art's s'posed to make you feel something, right? i was gonna take a picture for the cam page of me looking all sad (not that the one that's there now isn't, and i probably don't look half as sad as i do in that pic), but i can't get the cam to work.

i was planning on responding to some email tonight, but i don't think it would be wise right now, maybe the billing stuff i have to do will numb me a bit, and i'll be able to later.

while i was out i got a page or at least the email confirmation (on the plus side of texas, i'll actually be able to get my pages in a timely fashion), from mouser whose online journal is two stops before mine in the open pages webring. it's actually relatively interesting, updated daily, and strangely similar in design to mine.