Untitled.
9 October 1999
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it's just after three in the morning, i haven't been to bed yet, and this all started before midnight, which normally means this would be part of yesterday's entry, but i didn't want it to get lost at the bottom of the what i did today sort of stuff that my site has degraded into. i want to be honest here. that's what it's all about.
the orange party: i hadn't been drinking (i've been sorta flirting with the whole straight-edge thing) but it started to get a little crazy and there were lots of people i didn't know, and i wasn't having the greatest time, so when i sought refuge in zanetta's room where a few people were just kinda quietly chilling, i did in fact have a corona and a few swigs of rum.
so i'm kinda drunk now, and maybe that's what's causing me to want to be more honest than i've been on my site in quite some time. (you notice i'm still skirting around the point with all the narrative that leads up to my current frame of mind.)
i mentioned over the summer that i had some pre-requisite crushes, but i didn't really go into any more detail. you could probably come up with something approximating a list if you read through my back entries during the summer and this semester so far, and you noted references to certain people and the context and everything.
but to simplify matters, i'm just going to talk about some of that here. there were certain things at the party that spurred me to think about this sorta stuff, and i need to share. and i don't think anyone at risd reads my journal anyway, and if they do then more power to them.
the first day of the summer session, when we had our first house meeting and introduced ourselves, something about jen struck me. i think it would be what i soon came to realize of her pixie-ish nature. and she's at least somewhat vegetarian. at times i've felt that she's a little too whatever it is that she is though.
aoi is also mostly vegetarian. and half-japanese (i didn't realize before this summer how attracted i am to asian women, particularly somewhat enigmatic ones). she's very easy-going, and easy to like. the smoking kinda turned me off though. and she gets flirty when drunk, which for whatever reason i don't find attractive either.
yuka's also half-japanese, but not a vegetarian. however over the summer i could count on her (and alex.h's) music tastes being very similar to my own, and that's an endearing quality. and she likes swing sets, and throwing bricks in the canal, and making books.
they were the three who were at the orange party. who i interacted with to differing degrees. i'm not sure that i'm really interested in any of them (or the other couple of people i'm attracted to for various reasons). i keep comparing them to my ideal archetype and noting where they fall short. and i don't think i really have the time to nurture a relationship even if i did want one. (although at 111am zanetta said "it's 111, everyone make a wish", and the first thing that came to mind was my old standby wish for love.)
(and actually i see some aspects of whatever it is that i might still be looking for in zanetta, although one: she's very much in love with her boyfriend, who goes to cornell and actually showed up for a visit just as the party was winding down, and two: i'm not sure if i'd really even ever think seriously about pursuing a relationship with someone like her, whatever that means. which makes me think, what if there is my true love out there somewhere, and i ignore it for some reason?)
okay. re-read what i wrote last night. i guess it's nothing earth-shaking. just more than i've said about any of that out loud to anyone. and i don't know, but i don't think saying it online is really going to change my life any.
i slept until a bit after noon. only eight hours, but it was needed. (and since i hadn't had too much to drink, i didn't wake up with a hangover, which apparently quite a few people at the party did.) i did dream about pretzels though.
and as soon as i had eaten something i headed down to the studio. my right shoe finally gave out on the way down. while walking down a flight of stairs. the side just completely ripped out and pitched me forward. i'm lucky there were only four stairs, 'cause i could've been in a lot of pain.
i met a bunch of new people at dinner. (new people, straight out of the cloning machines.) it's kinda nice to talk with different people on occasion. and i actually did a little talking. (last night i was sitting at dinner with chris and garth, and we're all pretty quiet, so that was weird.)
and then i went straight back to the studio. i came home about eleven to find a message on my answering machine from zanetta telling me that they were all going out to the movies at 830. i had kinda felt like i was missing something by spending saturday night in the studio. but, i certainly wasn't the only one, and i can't really afford a movie anyway.
the orange party: i hadn't been drinking (i've been sorta flirting with the whole straight-edge thing) but it started to get a little crazy and there were lots of people i didn't know, and i wasn't having the greatest time, so when i sought refuge in zanetta's room where a few people were just kinda quietly chilling, i did in fact have a corona and a few swigs of rum.
so i'm kinda drunk now, and maybe that's what's causing me to want to be more honest than i've been on my site in quite some time. (you notice i'm still skirting around the point with all the narrative that leads up to my current frame of mind.)
i mentioned over the summer that i had some pre-requisite crushes, but i didn't really go into any more detail. you could probably come up with something approximating a list if you read through my back entries during the summer and this semester so far, and you noted references to certain people and the context and everything.
but to simplify matters, i'm just going to talk about some of that here. there were certain things at the party that spurred me to think about this sorta stuff, and i need to share. and i don't think anyone at risd reads my journal anyway, and if they do then more power to them.
the first day of the summer session, when we had our first house meeting and introduced ourselves, something about jen struck me. i think it would be what i soon came to realize of her pixie-ish nature. and she's at least somewhat vegetarian. at times i've felt that she's a little too whatever it is that she is though.
aoi is also mostly vegetarian. and half-japanese (i didn't realize before this summer how attracted i am to asian women, particularly somewhat enigmatic ones). she's very easy-going, and easy to like. the smoking kinda turned me off though. and she gets flirty when drunk, which for whatever reason i don't find attractive either.
yuka's also half-japanese, but not a vegetarian. however over the summer i could count on her (and alex.h's) music tastes being very similar to my own, and that's an endearing quality. and she likes swing sets, and throwing bricks in the canal, and making books.
they were the three who were at the orange party. who i interacted with to differing degrees. i'm not sure that i'm really interested in any of them (or the other couple of people i'm attracted to for various reasons). i keep comparing them to my ideal archetype and noting where they fall short. and i don't think i really have the time to nurture a relationship even if i did want one. (although at 111am zanetta said "it's 111, everyone make a wish", and the first thing that came to mind was my old standby wish for love.)
(and actually i see some aspects of whatever it is that i might still be looking for in zanetta, although one: she's very much in love with her boyfriend, who goes to cornell and actually showed up for a visit just as the party was winding down, and two: i'm not sure if i'd really even ever think seriously about pursuing a relationship with someone like her, whatever that means. which makes me think, what if there is my true love out there somewhere, and i ignore it for some reason?)
okay. re-read what i wrote last night. i guess it's nothing earth-shaking. just more than i've said about any of that out loud to anyone. and i don't know, but i don't think saying it online is really going to change my life any.
i slept until a bit after noon. only eight hours, but it was needed. (and since i hadn't had too much to drink, i didn't wake up with a hangover, which apparently quite a few people at the party did.) i did dream about pretzels though.
and as soon as i had eaten something i headed down to the studio. my right shoe finally gave out on the way down. while walking down a flight of stairs. the side just completely ripped out and pitched me forward. i'm lucky there were only four stairs, 'cause i could've been in a lot of pain.
i met a bunch of new people at dinner. (new people, straight out of the cloning machines.) it's kinda nice to talk with different people on occasion. and i actually did a little talking. (last night i was sitting at dinner with chris and garth, and we're all pretty quiet, so that was weird.)
and then i went straight back to the studio. i came home about eleven to find a message on my answering machine from zanetta telling me that they were all going out to the movies at 830. i had kinda felt like i was missing something by spending saturday night in the studio. but, i certainly wasn't the only one, and i can't really afford a movie anyway.